


It Was a Horrible Time Known As The 80s

by AwkwardSweatyCabages



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 1980s, AU, HIV/AIDS, Sad, Sick Levi, depressed erwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4069807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardSweatyCabages/pseuds/AwkwardSweatyCabages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin Smith's lover Levi Ackerman catches AIDS in the 1980s, the year of the epidemic. Levi doesn't look like he is going to make it so Erwin does whatever he can to allow Levi to die happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Erwin Smith stopped at the town bakery. He saw a small poster hanging in the window. “Gay Cancer,” it read. Right under the words was a picture of a man’s back full of dark purple and red spots. It wasn’t even just the spots. The man was so thin and his ribs were as visible as the spots. Erwin almost fell to his knees and screamed. Was that really going to happen to his lover?

He took the poster and skipped his shopping trip. He went right home to go see his lover. He leaned against the apartment door and teared up.

“Hey,” Levi came out of the bathroom in a bathrobe. “That was a fast shopping trip.”

Levi rolled his eyes and went to his boyfriend. “So are we just gonna starve now?”

“Levi look,” Erwin shoved the poster onto Levi’s chest. “This is what’s gonna happen to you!”

Levi looked at the image. “Erwin, no it’s not. I’m gonna be fine.”

“Really? What were you doing in the bathroom?”

Levi didn’t respond.

“Levi. Tell me.”

“...I was holding the shit bowl with my head in it… But that doesn’t mean I’m going to turn out like them. I just need some proper hospital treatment and rest. I’ll be fine.”

“Levi, Dr. Zoe said-”

“Dr. Zoe can go eat a dick. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know how strong I am and how fucking amazing you are.”

“But-”

Levi took Erwin’s hands and stared right into his lover’s blue pearls. “Hey. I’m strong. You’re an amazing coach and lover. We can do this together. Now, are you with me or not?”

Erwin kissed Levi’s nose. “I’m 100% with you, my sweet.”

“Good.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Erwin need to give up sex so Erwin doesn't get sick and Levi isn't too happy about it. He also has Erwin make a promise to him.

They say that all gay people will get this new disease but Erwin knew that wasn’t true. Levi was sick and he wasn’t. Erwin wished he was the sick one. He saw Levi struggle so much doing the simplest of tasks. He couldn’t even walk upstairs without having to sit down. It was painful to watch. The man he loved more than anything was dying and he couldn’t do anything to help. It just made him shrivel up inside just thinking about it.

The worst thing was Erwin couldn’t tell people about his problem without being hated or judged. Being gay meant God would punish you but having a lover with this new cancer, he might as well die now because he had no chance of finding any peace in heaven. He wished it didn't have to be this way but what could he do about it?

Erwin had another reason to keep Levi hidden from society. Erwin was a commander in the army and he didn't want to lose the income that kept them alive. Levi was a military man too but dropped out because he got too sick to battle. After he left the army he disappeared from the public and no one has seen much of him. (Besides Dr. Zoë.)

...

Erwin took his lover to the doctor for his weekly check up on Thursday, just like every other Thursday. The appointment was at 1:20pm but Levi had so much trouble getting ready in the morning they had to start getting up at 9:00am. Erwin was always willing to help Levi with anything so he didn't mind too much.

Levi hated the doctors'. He always got bad news while there. He knew he was sick but would some good news just go his way?

Dr. Hange Zoe was their physician and she was wonderful. She always knew what she was doing and she was supportive towards every patient. She wasn’t like the other doctors. She wanted to help these people and wasn’t afraid of anything. All she was interested in was the science.

Levi stared up at the flickering lights on the ceiling. “Annoying. Fix them.”

Dr. Zoe wheeled to Levi in her doctor’s chair. “I told you, we can’t. The pussy electricians won’t set foot in this room. They don’t wanna catch the sick.”

“Tch,” Levi rolled his eyes.

“I know right?” she stuck a needle in Levi’s forearm. “So how’re things at home? Any improvement you’ve noticed?”

“Nope, just gettin’ worse,” Levi said.

“Erwin, have you noticed anything new?”

Erwin nodded. “There are some new lesions on his thighs.”

“Is that it?”

“He’s had some trouble walking up and down the stairs. He also falls more often.”

“I see…” she removed the needle from Levi’s arm. “You may need a wheelchair.”

“No,” Levi deadpanned.

“Levi-”

“I would rather walk than anything else.”

Dr. Zoe took off her glasses. “Listen, you’re current condition makes you extremely fragile in every way. A fall from this table to the floor can easily cause some internal bleeding and major bruising.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Mr. Smith.”

“On it,” Erwin picked Levi up like a baby and said, “Without a wheelchair I’m gonna carry you.”

“Oh my fucking god Erwin, no. Gimme the chair.”

“One moment,” Dr. Zoe left to sign out a chair.

Erwin set Levi down, watching him struggle to find a comfortable sitting position. As he watched he began to notice that it was starting. Levi was becoming the poster.

Lesions covered his flesh, his ribs stuck out (it looked almost like he could stab someone with them), and his eyes were tired and dreary like he had been awake for years with little to no sleep. Erwin still saw nothing but beauty though.

“Levi…” Erwin took his boyfriend’s hand and could feel every bone inside. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Don’t do this to me Erwin.”

“Don’t do what?”

“This. You say all these things about how much you love me and it makes me feel bad about   
being sick. It also makes me feel guilty about the thought of death.”

“I’m sorry… I don’t want you to feel uneasy but I just… Love you so much.”

Levi leaned back and groaned. “Erwin stop…”

“But-”

“No. No more talking.”

Dr. Zoe returned with a black and silver wheelchair. “You can rent this until you buy one. Sound groovy?”

“Yes. Thank you doctor.”

“Also I have something to tell you. I don’t want the two of you engaging in any sexual activities. That’s one way the disease can spread. We are studying other possible ways but for now avoid sex and making out.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Levi worked himself into the wheelchair.

“No. Avoid those things and Erwin should be safe.”

Levi groaned and crossed his arms. “Fine.”

Erwin was a little upset about cutting off sex for good but he was okay with it. He would rather that he and Levi be happy together than the both of them being sick.

“Good. Sign out at the front.”

They both gave Dr. Zoe a ‘thank you’ and left.

Erwin wheeled Levi to the front desk and signed some forms.

“We aren’t really gonna stop doing it, right?” Levi touched Erwin’s thigh as they left the building.  
“Levi, you heard her. No more sex.”

“Oh come on. She’s crazy. Probably doesn’t want others to be fucking if she ain’t gettin any.”

“Levi. Please.”

“Daddy, come on.”

Erwin got to his car and brushed some sweat off of his brow. “Stop. You need to get better and I can’t afford to get sick.” He helped Levi into the passenger seat and put the wheelchair in the back.

Levi watched Erwin get into the car and start the engine. “Hey. Promise me something.”  
“Of course. What is it?”

“When I die-”

“Levi. No-”

“Let me finish. When I die, I want you to cremate me and put my ashes next to your bed. I want my soul to be with you in your dreams. Got it?”

Erwin hated these conversations. He didn’t want Levi to die any time soon. He had always imagined he and Levi would grow old together, get a nice country home, and maybe adopt a few kids along the way. And one day, when everyone recognizes their love, they’d get married. They wouldn’t have to hide away from society ever again. They would be free to love each other with no embarrassment.

“Hey.”

“Yeah. I got it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin watches what could happen to Levi one day and begins to lose hope for his future with Levi.

Erwin was on the army base bright and early. He really hated leaving Levi alone but no one was willing to be near Levi voluntarily and Erwin needed the money for treatments. He remained fairly focused on most days but Levi’s condition was getting worse so his mind was elsewhere (and by elsewhere he means in the flames of despair and pain).

He was studying plans for sending more troops to Afghanistan. He was not with it and wrote some weird notes about the plans.

“Commander?”

Erwin nearly jumped out of his skin. A cadet came in to give him some files and noticed the weird notes.

“Is everything alright, sir?”

“Everything’s fine, Hoover. Thank you,” Erwin set the files on his desk.

“Sir, you’ve been very absent-minded recently. Are you sure everything’s alright?”

Erwin rubbed his temples. “Well… Honestly, not entirely.”

“Would you like to talk about it, sir?”

“I don’t think I should. You may go now, Hoover.”

“Yes sir.”

Erwin looked through the files and saw a schedule for future transfers. He read through to check for his name anywhere and saw it once. He had a mission in Afghanistan in a few weeks for a few days. Will Levi be well enough for me to go? He thought.

“Sir!!” another cadet ran in and made Erwin jump again. “We need you!!”

“What’s the matter?”

“A soldier fell!! He’s spazzing uncontrollably and he’s foaming!”

Erwin followed the cadet down to the training grounds and was mortified at the scene.

His fellow soldier, one whom he’s stood beside in many battles, was on the ground, practically dying in front of him. He was foaming and spazzing just like the cadet said. Erwin had never seen anything so horrifying. A respectable man whom which he had the honor of serving with for many years, begging for mercy from a deity he does not believe in to end his life quickly.

Erwin got down by the man and ordered someone to get a doctor. “Hey. Hannes. Can you hear me?” he shook Hannes a bit. “Listen to me. You served your country well and it has been an honor serving beside you. You are dismissed from you duties now.”

Right then, Hannes stopped moving.

A doctor showed up and examined the body. When the doctor uncovered Hannes’s skin, they all saw the lesions. They were like polka dotted shirt.

Erwin fainted at that moment. Was that going to be Levi one day?

…

He awoke in the infirmary of the base, dizzy and groggy. His vision was blurry but he could still see Levi’s figure next to him.

“Levi…”

“Sh… You passed out cuz you’re a pussy.”

Erwin slowly sat up and met eyes with Levi. “Hannes is dead…”

Levi was a bit shocked. “Wow. How’d it happen?”

“He had some kind of seizure. And ya know what else? He had the new cancer.”

Levi stiffened in his seat. “Uh-huh…”

“Levi. I don’t want that to be you.”

“It’s not going to be me, Erwin. I’m not gonna die in such a pathetic way. Seriously-”

Erwin grabbed Levi by the shoulders. “Stop it!!” he yelled. “You can’t stop any of this! All I could think of while watching Hannes was you! Levi, this disease is going to kill you! You are going to die and none of us can do anything about it!!”

“Yeah,” Levi relaxed his body. “You’re right. I’m probably gonna die. I just thought maybe you’d be the one who lets me go happily.”

Erwin felt a pang of guilt in his heart.

Levi stood up and lied down by his lover. “You must feel like a jackass right now. But I forgive you.”

Erwin held Levi and kissed his head. “I’m going to make you so happy before you go.”

“You better.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin is discharged from the military for being gay and comes home to a broken Levi.

Erwin was called into his boss’s office the next afternoon. He was trying to rush through his work so he was hoping it wasn’t too urgent.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Erwin saluted his superior.

“Ah, commander Smith. Please take a seat. This may take some time.”

“Sir, I have a lot to do if I want to get home early.”

“Then I’ll make this quick. Mr.Smith, a cadet said you were caught with another man. Touching, kissing, and other inappropriate behavior.”

“Pardon me? What is inappropriate about true love?”

“So you don’t deny these crimes?”

“No I don’t deny anything and I have committed no crimes.”

“Who was the man you were with?”

Erwin stared his boss in the eyes. He took a deep breath. “That man is my lover.”

“Mr.Smith. Turn in your badges.”

“Sir. Please-”

“Badges.”

Erwin stood up and set his trophy badges on his boss’s desk. “Sir. He’s very sick. I need this now more than ever.”

“Mr.Smith, please leave. You aren’t the kind of person we need commanding our troops.”

“...I understand sir. Good day to you.”

Erwin left looking strong for his cadets. He nodded to a few soldiers who walked by. His brain was practically exploding inside his head. He got discharged and people knew he was gay. He didn’t give a damn about what he would eat, he only cared about Levi’s treatments.

He drove home pondering about how he would tell Levi that their main source of income was gone. He was also preparing to hear some yelling and harsh words towards him. The saying, “But Levi it wasn’t my fault” wouldn’t work this time.

He stood in front of his apartment door for 2-3 minutes before finding the courage to open the door. “Honey, I’m home,” he announced, finally getting inside.

Levi was sitting on the floor, blood running down his chin. “Bout time...”

“What happened?”

“I fell while trying to get some milk.”

Erwin smiled and went over to help his lover.

Levi smacked him away. “No! And don’t look at me! I hate it when you look at me!”

“Levi…”

“Erwin… I don’t have too much time left.”

“Don’t say that-”

“Dammit old man, look at me!! I’m shriveling up and becoming nothing!!”

Erwin saw Levi cry a little when as he spoke. He put his arms around Levi and kissed his head. “Baby, you always look beautiful. And anyone who can’t see your beauty can kiss my ass.”

Levi ‘tched’ again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin wants to marry Levi before he passes on.

Levi didn’t seem to be too worried about Erwin’s discharge. They had some cash saved up from both of their military days that should last the couple a few years. Levi even said he could skip some chemo treatments so they could save more money.

“No,” Erwin said. “No way.”

“Why not? I’ve already had more than 6 chemos in the last 2 months. I can wait a while before I have another.”

“God dammit Levi. How can you be so calm about this?”

Levi shrugged. “I don’t know old man, how can you be so pissy about this? I’m the one who’s sick, not you.”

“I’m just crazy about you. I want to spend my days growing old with you but just the thought of not being able to do that puts me on edge.”

“Corny idiot,” Levi scoffed. “And for your information, you did grow old with me. Well, older.”

Erwin giggled at Levi’s words. “True,” he looks Levi in the eyes and touches his face. “I love you… Will you marry me?”

“Pardon me?”

“I want to be your husband. If you die soon, I want to know that you’ll be waiting for me at Hell’s door.”

Levi chuckled a bit. “You are too charming you asshole. And yes. I’ll marry you and wait for you at Hell’s door.”

“I love you, Levi.”

“I love you too, Erwin.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin marries Levi in the hospital so that he can certain that Levi will be waiting for Erwin after death.

Erwin knew same sex marriage was illegal, well everywhere, but he wanted to be certain that he and Levi would be destined to reunite after death. He contacted Dr. Zoe and told her about his plan. She agreed to ordain herself and perform a small ceremony at the hospital. They couldn’t get a marriage license but the ceremony was enough for Erwin and Levi.

Levi’s health got worse and more severe after a few days they decided to get married. He could hardly move his entire body. He had to stay in the hospital and wait for death there. Erwin decided to make their marriage sooner than planned.

Erwin called Dr. Zoe and told her now was the time.

He dressed in a tuxedo and held a bouquet in his hands. Dr. Zoe walked him in and smiled at Levi's grin of joy.

“Erwin…” Levi croaked. “I wish I was wearing something white.”

“You are, sweety. The hospital robes are white.”

“Oh yeah…”

Erwin knelt down by Levi and held his hand. He nodded to Dr. Zoe.

“Dearly beloved,” she began. “We… Well I am here to honor the love between Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman. Nothing makes God happier than to see two people honor their love and bound themselves to the happiness of becoming one soul. Now I have not known these men for a long time but I don’t need to take a second glance to see that these lovers are meant to be together. Now, I believe Mr.Smith has prepared vows.”

Erwin brushed some loose strands of hair out of Levi’s face. “Levi Ackerman. I’ve had the honor of serving with you as a soldier and a lover. You and I have seen each other at our best and at our worst. But right now, I’d say I’m seeing you at your best. Your eyes show me that you’re at peace and you are ready to go…” he hiccuped a little bit. “I love you so much Levi. Everything you say, everything you do is beautiful. Everything you are makes me want to become a better man. I love you so much…”

Dr. Zoe turned her attention to Levi, who was stroking Erwin’s hair.

“Erwin… I thought the hardest thing about dying would be accepting it but… The hardest part of dying is going to be leaving you.” Levi touched Erwin’s tears. “I love you.”

“Oh God…” Erwin cried. “Don’t go.”

“I have to Erwin. I’m sorry…” he looked at Dr. Zoe.

“I-I…” she hiccuped. “I pronounce you two… Husband and husband.”

Erwin kissed Levi’s dry lips and put the ring on his finger.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin gets the call.

Erwin got the call around 5am a few days after their wedding. Levi had passed in his slumber with little struggle. Dr.Zoe said he was dreaming as it happened. She heard his final words before he left.

I’ll be waiting.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin puts together a service for Levi so everyone can say goodbye.

Erwin organized a small service for Levi. He invited some cadets and soldiers and also invited Levi’s uncle. There was a little more than 25 people there. It wasn’t too big but it was beautiful.

The service was an open casket one. Levi was covered in makeup to hide his lesions and wrinkles. Erwin looked at the body and decided Levi didn’t look natural. He dampened a paper towel from the bathroom and wiped away the makeup.

“Beautiful,” he said. “Simply enchanting.”

The service was performed by Dr.Zoe. She gave some kind words and recited some poetry about love and loss for Levi. She then invited Erwin up to speak.

“Thank you doctor,” Erwin stood above the crowd. “Friends, family. I know some of you haven’t known Levi Ackerman for too long but I believe I am speaking for everyone when I say he was amazing. He was a soldier for more than 7 years, he wasn’t ashamed of loving another man, and he wasn’t fearful of death. He was just wonderful. And a few days before we parted, he told me the hardest part of leaving was leaving me. And…” he sobbed a bit as he thought of Levi.

Dr.Zoe got up next to Erwin and touched his shoulder. “You don’t have to say anymore.”

Erwin nodded and took a seat.

The lunch that came after the service was mostly people going over to Erwin and asking him if he was okay. He’d always say I’m hanging in there then he’d think By a thread.

Levi’s uncle spoke to Erwin about Levi’s will.

“You should go see his lawyer. The runt might’ve left ya somethin good.”

“I’ll think about it.” He was disgusted by the man’s greed but he did want to see if Levi did leave him anything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi left Erwin some things that cause Erwin to realize that he can go on in life.

Erwin took Levi’s uncle’s advice and did go see Levi’s lawyer. He didn’t want any money from him, he only wanted to know if Levi left him something loving to Erwin to remember his lover forever.

“You ready Mr.Smith?” the lawyer asked.

“Guess so…”

He read through the files. “Levi Ackerman has left you $50,000.00, some personal journals, and this envelope,” he slid the paper over. “Go on.”

Erwin carefully opened it and took out some forms. It also had a letter inside.

Dear Erwin it read. I am gone now and I’m sorry that I can’t spend the rest of your days with you. I love you so much and making you happy is all I want so I have purchased a house in the country for you. I know you’ve always wanted one. The deed is in the envelope. I also stole one of your honorary badges back from those assholes who took it away from you. You are a hero. My hero. The world deserves to know that. I love you so much old man.  
Love Levi 

Erwin found himself crying after reading the letter. He put the badge on his jacket. He felt so honored right there. No award, no badge, or any kind of praise could compare to this. To being Levi’s hero.

The lawyer looked at Erwin and asked, “Are you alright, sir?”

Erwin saluted. “I am absolutely 100% at my best sir.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

Erwin Smith lived through the outbreak of this disease and watched the homosexual community rise against society and show that they exist and they need help. Erwin joined the movement and Levi Ackerman became the face of equality.  
Erwin kept Levi’s ashes next to his bed like Levi wanted. He did see him in his dreams quite often.  
Erwin died at age 62 after being diagnosed with AIDS (the "Gay Cancer"). He smiled as he passed because he saw and took his hand.

The End


End file.
